i'll be on my way..

Self-Therapy 1 : Praying for patience and strength

There's time when you feel down for something.
I am here now when I feel like the way he feels.
It sounds strange... when he's stressed, I got that too...
I have no mood for anything...

God, please, please...





put patience and strength on me and him...
and please take all the stress feeling, worries, fears away from our souls....
also cure all the illness from our bodies....

Thank you...

Erasmus Huis' bibliotheek verzameling



Dear W,

It's almost weekend. What's your plans this weekend? Hope you'll have great weekend with G.
I also hope the same for everyone :)

Today, I'll try to finish a roman-Indisch novel which was written by a well-known Indonesian writer, Pramoedya Ananta Toer. He once wrote four novels which were called "The Buru Quartet". Footsteps is the third volume of novels inspired by the life of one of the pioneers of the Indonesian awakening and of Indonesian journalism, Tirto Adi Suryo (Introduction, p. 9). Others novels are: Bumi Manusia (This Earth of Mankind)-first volume, Anak Semua Bangsa (Child of All Nations)-second volume, and Rumah Kaca (The Glass House)-fourth volume.
I borrowed this book from Erasmus Huis Library.

Book cover, english version published by Penguin Source: Internet

Well, while I have been reading this novel of Jejak Langkah (Footsteps), I found some words which-perhaps it's not important things :p-are not really related to the main idea of the story. I called them as some little issues. Here they are! :)


"  Betawi was not as busy as Surabaya. And so clean. Big wooden rubbish bins stood in apporiate places and the people placed their garbage there. Not like Surabaya. And there were little parks everywhere, their brightly colored flowers adding a touch of festivity." (p.17-18)

Source: Internet

"     In Surabaya all you ever saw were bamboo-hut slums and fires, and rubbish everywhere." (p.18)

Source: Internet

"It was the same with the Europeans. Once they arrived here they were forced to take concubines. But the Dutch were also known to be really stingy. They wanted to return to Holland as wealthy people. So many of them didn't want to take concubines. As replacement for a mistress, they made the guling-a mistress that can't fart. Hey, you, Kleooo-have you ever come across a mention of the guling in any of javanese literature you have read? No, you haven't. And you, Sutan, what about in Malay literature? A big zero. It just didn't exist. It was a pure Dutch invention-the mistress that doesn't fart-'A Dutch Wife.'..." (p.54)

Source: Internet

"....The two of us swung around to face the street. There appeared a big four-wheeled box, which stopped in front of the house.
     "An automobile!" I shouted exactly.
     Immediately we both descended the front steps and headed for the horseless carriage. But before we made it to the gate, the car was surrounded by people. It was shaped like normal carriage, except there were no horses. It's wheels were made from wood. It's hood was folded back. Smoke and dust were still spewing out of the back." (p.221)

Source: Personal Collection,  taken from A Train Exhibition @Erasmus Huis, Jakarta, 2013

"     He asks for smaller print. He is a true Dutchman, not a native. He does not know that the natives cannot afford to buy spectacles. Many Priyayi are forced to retire at forty-five and cannot afford to buy them." (p.241)

Source: Internet

"     "Three strong teas, please! Will the chicken be long?"
      "Maybe another hour, Ndoro."                         " (p.283)
"     He left and straightaway the grilled chicken arrived, golden brown and glistening in oily kecap. And out of the holes left by the skewers wafted the most mouthwatering smell, an aroma more wondrous than could ever come from any incense." (p.287)
"     And three chickens, which two hours before had still been running about on their own two feet, still tidying up their ruffled feathers, still competing with their fellow roosters, now dissappeared, destroyed, dissoveld in our mouths among the glistening kecap and saliva, then to descend our throats to meet the waiting worms in our stomachs." (p. 289)

Source: Internet

"...Shoes are nothing but a means to protect your feet from broken glass, sharp stones, and dog shit. Wearing shoes is not the same thing as becoming European or Christian. They are not symbol of how close you are to Dutch authorities, so the native rulers do not need to be offended and infuriated when they see another Native wearing shoes...." (p. 348)
"...the shoe shops were besieged by young people wanting to buy shoes. And so Bandung was full of youths defiantly striding the streets in their new shoes,..." (p.349)

Source: Internet

Hmm, so those 'nowadays things' for us in this modern era were not such ordinary ones in the past of Indisch: the condition, the way people see it, the process, etc. For me, those little issues I rewrote above are some unique description which made me smile a bit when visualized them in my mind. 

Time to continue reading the last pages!
Hope to hear from you, W,...one day...

Dear God,

Thank you for all the things that happened to me.
I know that I'm not a perfect human.
From now on, I promise to change my attitude to be a better person.
I'm sure all your plan is the best.
If that one isn't right for me, then I'm quite sure you'll give me the better and more beautiful one soon...the one who can love me sincerely and seriously in Your path.
Welcome, I am here waiting for the real one :)
Good things surely will happen soon :D

Dear Mom and Dad,

It feels great to be as I am now. Alhamdulillah for having many experiences mentally, I am so rich in this age and always feel young :p.
I have good health.
I have sisters who really care of me.
I have best friends ever.
I have many nice people around me who love me sincerely.
I am growing with many valuable life experiences which involving my hearts, my soul, my mind, and make those stronger than before.
I met some men who gave me knowledges and view about life, communication, and how to see love between man and woman. They are all nice men.
I have seen many parts of the world...it's absolutely geourgeous! :)
I have good job.
I have amazing passions inside me.
The most gratitude is God gave you both as my parents in my life...you both are wonderful people who always be there.
As a woman, I always admire a strong woman who always inspire me...yes, it's you, my mom...tough and energic woman I've ever met :)
God, I'm so grateful that you always gives me a beautiful journey of life.

So, what's next?
Live my life, keep smilling, be shiny :p, always grateful, pursuit the happiness, and enjoy life!


Wait for me, I'm coming!
Reach me, here we go! 

I was here....and now I am here again....

Time goes so fast
Nothing can't change the past
This present time is a start to my future
Incredible one, I'm sure...

Oh, how strong my willing to be on my way
I don't wanna be here too long
No reason to stay
I want to sing my own song

Oh, is that u that I wait for all of my life?
Take me soon
Let me be your wife
Then we kiss under the moon

Hope I'll be on my way
I should move my feet
Efforts are something to pay
Prayer to do then we can meet

It starts from now...
Come on, dont't go too slow...

To listen to all my happiness and sadness
To wipe away my tears then pain a smile on my face
To throw away my loneliness then bring me a bunch of joy
To kill the pain inside then take care of me without any pill to take

To share all your happiness and sadness
To take my hands for wiping away your tears then pain a smile on your face
To give me a chance for throwing away your loneliness then bring you a bunch of joy
To let me kill your pain inside then take care of you without any pill to take

To hold hands each other while we're walking together on the road of life
To stare at each other when we face the hardest time on the process of growing

To be here then stay not for a while...sincerely
To be honest, I need you...badly...




Bogor, February 12th, 2011
2. 20 am

Bogor, Thursday, February 3rd, 2011

 Here she comes....a young woman, a best friend of mine.
In a bitter look of her tired eyes, I discover her story. It's about her yesterday.

I ask her, "What's wrong?"
She answered in a weak voice, "I don't like my yesterday. I found that my man was too busy and I didn't hear anything from him. I need to hear something from him, maybe more than he needs. It's like a different thing in my boring day, a real one which comes from my dream. Reading his words is just like an exciting experience of my days. That's why I became mad when I didn't hear anything from him. I felt the objection for his reason of the busy day. It didn't make sense for me because he had break times. I could only accept that he's really tired, one thing that melted my heart. Well, I just can't do anything except trying to forgive him. Let him to find the way from his heart for me. Sorry to say, seems that I'm too much chasing him..no more begging :p. Perhaps, it sounds like a selfish part of mine. I just wanna say the truth what I felt from my deepest heart, something that I dislike. Actually, It's not about blaming him because I know that he loves me, doesn't he? Hmm...no no no....God is the only one who knows one's heart. Well...I'm just a human, unfortunately I'm a woman. Fortunately, I'm a woman in love..."

Then, she's looking at me in a calm way for few minutes. It's like that she's trying to say, "It's okay...everything's gonna be alright...".

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

                   -Albert Einstein-

Nah...inilah lukisan jiwa-jiwa di sekelilingku.  Setiap orang itu unik!

Mari berani bermimpi!

One, two, three...
Let's get free
Ours will release you and me
As we want to be

Hold on each other ever after
Share the smile and the tears
Fight the fears
Catch the laughter

As we go on this way
As we are close to see everything
We just can't throw it away
There is none so exciting as this thing

~Dien's~
Bogor, December 1st, 2010

It's been a month and five days....

I feel like being a new woman.
There's a new difference thing in my days that makes me feel happy..
I think I finally found what I've been looking for these recent days.
It came like a flash!
I didn't get any special feeling when the time it came...but the effects after it, really wonderful!

People said...it could be impossible! (the bad side)
I said...if there's impossible, then it could be possible in another side (the good side)

I choose to believe in the two side, bad and good...honestly, now I have the stronger faith in the good side...Alhamdullilah :)
The important one is I must ready for all the possibilities, the bad and the good one.
All I can do is just praying...that makes me keep holding on. I hope it will come true....I do really want it to be real. I just want you, no one else..

My friend's get some words from 'Titanic' the  movie and those word a little bit describe what happened to me.. :)

"...to love is not about how long you meet him/her but it's all about how fast you know it..."

 ...and I think...

"...it's also about sincerity to believe in what you know..."


...SO KEEP BELIEVING AND HOLDING ON..."